All today's rumours are empty handed
When Ming the Merciless's body was punctured from behind by his own war rocket in the thrilling camp sci-fi film Flash Gordon it oozed green blood - an evil, leprechaun-tinge nuclear-slime green, of the sort you rarely see outside specially-themed St Patrick's Day cocktails.
If Flash ever decided to repeat the trick with John Terry you suspect his guts would spurt blue with white trim. After all, Terry has been at Chelsea since 1995, seen off numerous managers and become as part of the furniture as the pensioners and bored-looking oligarchs. And now, of all places, he is off Fenerbahce.
Or at least he might be. The Turkish club are after a big-name signing, and Terry will consider his options in the summer. But a word of warning from the Daily Mail: "Fenerbahce signed Dirk Kuyt from Liverpool at the start of the season but they trail rivals Galatasaray by four points in the Turkish league." Four points behind even with Kuyt? Perhaps they should have opted for Messi after all.
But as one legend leaves the Bridge, another arrives. The Mail reports that "according to sources close to the self-anointed Special One, José Mourinho is once again the chosen one. He is the man Roman Abramovich wants to succeed interim manager Rafa Benítez and a deal, say those sources, is as good as done." But for those of you who believe that quotes are the only marker of a true story, there's disappointment lurking. "This is not something anyone can confirm," sighs the Mail. "Not when Mourinho remains the manager of Real Madrid, and the Spaniards remain in the hunt for the European Cup this season."
Elsewhere Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea are all scampering after Stoke goalkeeper Asmir Begovic just like they were yesterday. And the day before that, probably.
Having avoided Reading's desperate lunges, Roberto Di Matteo is being lined up by Schalke.
Meanwhile AC Milan, Lazio and Everton are enjoying a three-way wrestle to sign Japan midfielder Keisuke Honda, whose contract with CSKA ends shortly.
According to Bild, Arjen Robben has been approached several times by Inter - however the Italian press remain sceptical that the Nerazzuri would be interested in a player that seems nearly as crocked as the Cypriot economy.
Finally, there's some good news from Bild for Arsenal fans. Lukas Podolski is not - repeat not - tempted by the lure of an Old Lady. "I want to say two things," he tells the paper. "First, I cannot help it if some clubs are interested in me. There are always people behind the scenes who want to make money. Second, any interest makes me proud because it is recognition of my performance in London. But it is very unlikely to leave Arsenal, I'm fine here. I do not prepare for any change."
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